Okay, picture this. You’re sitting in a coffee shop across the table from your prospect. You tell her “Hey I’m excited out of my mind about this new business I started. The products are fantastic and the opportunity is once-in-a-lifetime. I know you’re going to join me or at least become a customer.” After your […]
Today I want to talk about one of the big things that can hold people back and that’s self-deception.
We deceive ourselves in a whole lot of different ways and for different reasons. I had a particular instance that I want to share with you that taught me about honesty and it’s my date with Scarlett.
See, how this started is: I’ve got a friend who likes to use an icebreaker question with people whenever we meet someone or whenever we go out in a group. And I’ve seen this happen several times. He’ll ask the question “If you could have dinner with anybody—alive or dead—who would it be?”
He’s asked me this question several times and every time I really feel like I don’t know how to answer that question. I’d think about it, but I never quite felt like I gave the real true answer.
And the last time this happened there were several people around. One friend completely refused to answer the question. She just said “Hey I’m not going to answer that question—I don’t even know how to answer it.”
Another friend said “Well you know my dad passed away and I would have dinner with my dad, you know, because I feel like there’s some conversations with him that I didn’t have that I’d like to have.” And that sounded like a really good answer, so I copied his answer. I mean my dad passed away a few years ago and so I said “Man, that sounds like a good answer.”
But later on as I reflected, I had to ask myself “Why did I answer the way I did?” And why did the other friend refuse to answer the question? Why is it such a big deal? I mean, it’s a pretty innocent enough question. If you could have dinner with anyone alive or dead who would it be?
Well, what I realized is that people will answer questions—especially questions like that—not based on what they really want or really desire, but based on how they think another person will perceive them based on their answer.
So you’re really trying to engineer your image, or your imagination of the image that you think other people have of you—it’s really convoluted, it’s really complex and it’s really not a healthy exercise if you ask me.
So I really decided to think about this question, reflect on it, and answer it honestly.
And what I came up with was: first of all, if I could have dinner with anyone alive or dead, I would certainly not have dinner with anyone who is dead because that’s a recipe for a zombie apocalypse.
Let’s face it. I’ve seen enough movies. I know how this plays out. Okay? This ends up with everybody, you know, just a small group of people running around trying to collect weapons—particularly something that can chop people’s heads off…
That’s not what I want to do. Okay? So scratch anybody who’s passed on. You know, as much as I love my dad, that includes him. I will see him on the other side. I don’t want to see him here.
So that limits me to people who are alive. And if I wanted to—if I could have dinner with anybody who is alive or dead, most like it’s going to be a celebrity. Because people who aren’t famous, I probably could have dinner with them anyway. But people who are celebrities—they’re probably a little harder to get next to.
And then so now, out of all the celebrities—I don’t know who’s going to be a good dinner date or not. I mean, I may have some questions or things that I’d like to know from this person. But how do I know they are a good conversationalist? Especially if they’re an actor—all I know is their screen persona. I don’t know how they really are in real life. I might end up at a table with a person who’s just sitting across from me staring at their mobile phone and not paying any attention to me.
So with that being said, I said “okay, who could I have dinner with so that even if they don’t engage and they don’t talk to me and they’re staring at their phone, I can still have a good time?” And I came up with Scarlett Johansson.
I would love to have dinner with her and have a conversation with her about “The Avengers” movies and and being on screen with Robert Downey, Jr. and all the rest of those guys…
But you know, if she just SAT there and just was on her phone… hey, I’m still having dinner with Scarlett Johansson. I can turn around, snap a selfie, and make everybody on my Facebook page jealous because—like i said—I’m having dinner with Scarlett Johansson.
So that is what I learned about honesty…from my date with Scarlett.
Now this date never really happened—except in my brain—unless Scarlett’s people are watching this video and you want to set something up. I’m totally game for it.
So the whole point here is just… Take some time to really reflect on the way you answer questions because you could be answering questions out of a desire to paint some imagined image of yourself in other people’s brains rather than just being true to yourself.
And the further you get away from your true self, the further you get away from unlocking the potential of the BEAST that’s inside you. Once you realize that you are a BEAST, you can just be free to be who you are and that’s a way more authentic and a far easier way to live your life.
I am very pleased to announce the launch of my first book The Beast Code: 4 Simple Keys to Unlock Motivation That Lasts So You Can Finally Dominate Your Side Hustle.
From the time I first put pen to paper with the idea, it took me about a year to get it published. It wasn’t all easy—I had to work writing into my schedule which was already busy. And as if that weren’t enough, I decided to get married too! And just a few months before I got the idea for the book, my two sons had moved in with me so I was a full-time single dad at the time.
Yeah, it was a busy year!
But let me back up a bit. You’re probably wondering what The Beast Code is all about and how I got the idea.
On April 11, 2016, I was in Phoenix, Arizona, lying in bed in my hotel room in the wee hours of the morning. I was there for a live business event and I was reflecting on the events of the weekend.
As I reflected, I remembered the words I overheard while watching a truly dynamic speaker inspire a packed arena:
Man! That guy is a BEAST!
I agreed. That guy was a Beast! I wanted to be that guy—on stage, inspiring people. My reflection was interrupted by a familiar inner voice that said:
I’m not a beast like he is.
It was the same self-talk I had become accustomed to after five years of running a home-based business with less-than-stellar results to show for it.
But then something unexpected happened. I heard another voice. That voice said:
Yes, but what kind of BEAST are you?
My eyes widened. I sprang out of bed. I began to ponder that question. What kind of beast am I?
Thoughts rushed into my head and before I had time to forget them, I grabbed my phone and began recording video. I just started talking stream-of-consciousness style into my phone.
As it turns out, those early-morning ramblings in Phoenix, Arizona became the basis of what is now The Beast Code.
When I returned to San Antonio, I was a man on a mission. I started getting up an hour or two earlier in the morning so I would have time to write. I produced a 20-part video series called Unlock Your Beast. I continued to work with the content until it finally became a book.
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When I went to that event in Phoenix, Arizona, I expected to get inspired and motivated, but I didn’t expect it to last. I figured I would take action for a few days—maybe even for a week. But I would lose steam. I would go back to my everyday routine. I always had before. Remember, I had been doing this for five years already. This wasn’t my first rodeo.
But here I was weeks, months, a year later, getting up early every morning like a kid at Christmas. I was inspired—one might even say obsessed. And I was loving it.
So what is The Beast Code about?
The Beast Code is a way for you to tap into the same kind of motivation that pulled me out of bed that morning of April 11, 2016 and still pulls me out of bed to this day. If you think I’m able to do this because I’m a beast, then you’re right. If you think you’re not a beast like I am, you’re right again.
But the same voice that asked me “what kind of beast are you” is asking you the same thing. You wanna know why? Because you ARE a BEAST. The only question is what kind of beast you are—not whether you are a beast.
That’s what the book is about. I take you though a step-by-step process of self-discovery and self-acceptance to release an instinctual drive that’s already in you. It’s just being held back and is probably under-nourished.
What kind of beast are you? I don’t know, but I’m excited to find out. Aren’t you? Hopefully you’ll pick up a copy of The Beast Code and find out.
One last thing.
Below is a video of the actual footage from my phone on that morning of April 11, 2016. It still gives me chills to watch it. It’s the actual birth of a book right before your eyes.
It’s not the entire thing—it’s been edited. Thank God, because the whole thing would take over 20 minutes! No, this one is short and to the point.
Watch it all the way through and you’ll find out why it was so significant that I was in Phoenix when this inspiration came to me.
Until next time, keep being a BEAST.
Ok, so if you’ve been following this series you may have gotten to a point where you’re thinking, “Ok all this stuff sounds good, but I’m afraid I’m just too lazy to get any good out of this. I’m just never going to be that kind of Beast that accomplishes at a high level and gets a lot of stuff done and then just really crushes it and wins.” Or whatever you think that means.
And I get what you’re saying. I mean, I felt the same way. I spent so much time just lying on my couch wasting time that I just began to think, you know, “maybe I’m just too lazy to really accomplish anything big in life.”
And if that’s you, I would urge you to do this exercise. Figure out whatever the biggest time-waster is for you. What are you doing? What’s the biggest time-waster for you? And then just become curious and observe how you feel.
Don’t try to stop doing it. I mean, don’t try to avoid that activity. Go ahead. Do it. Like, if it’s lying on the couch, go ahead and lie on the couch. But really become curious about how it affects you and how you feel while you’re engaging in that activity. And afterwards, what’s the effect?
This is a technique that was introduced by Judson Brewer in a TED talk that he did. And he gave the example of a woman who wanted to stop smoking. Or she tried several different ways to stop smoking and nothing worked and he told her “Go ahead and smoke, but just become curious about how that experience is for you.” That’s all he told her to do—and [to] write it down.
So she came back and said she wrote down and realized “Wow! Cigarettes taste nasty! I don’t like the taste of them.”
So after doing that—after just becoming mindful of her experience while engaging in this habitual behavior, she was able to break that habit because she became aware of how it didn’t serve her.
So I would like to suggest to you that you’re not lazy—that you probably just have some habits that you’ve fallen into—some habit patterns—that tend to take up a lot of time and really waste time. And the very fact that you recognize—the very fact that you would call yourself lazy, to me indicates that you’re not lazy.
Because, if your highest desire was to lay on the couch, you wouldn’t be watching this video right now about how to break that habit. So I’d like to suggest to you that you’re not lazy—that you’re exactly where you need to be. And here’s something concrete that you can do to help yourself break those habits.
And I’d also like to say that habits, even though they’re gratifying—I mean, habits wouldn’t become habits if they didn’t suit some sort of a gratification—but that doesn’t mean that they necessarily align with who you really are—your highest and truest desires.
And I think once you become mindful of the feelings and emotions and the effect that engaging in these habits has on you, you’ll begin to recognize that these habits are separate from you. They are not you. You are not your habits. They are separate from you and they don’t really align with and reflect who you really are.
So in summary, begin to see yourself as separate from your habits—especially ones that may waste a lot of time and make you think that you’re lazy—and become curious about how you’re truly affected when you engage in these habits.