Tom Dubois was distraught over the prospect that his wife might be cheating on him…with the pop star Usher. To get him out of his funk, his neighbor enlisted the aid of a relationship consultant—A Pimp Named Slickback. Slickback? No. A Pimp Named Slickback. You say the whole thing…like A Tribe Called Quest. His name […]
Ok, so if you’ve been following this series you may have gotten to a point where you’re thinking, “Ok all this stuff sounds good, but I’m afraid I’m just too lazy to get any good out of this. I’m just never going to be that kind of Beast that accomplishes at a high level and gets a lot of stuff done and then just really crushes it and wins.” Or whatever you think that means.
And I get what you’re saying. I mean, I felt the same way. I spent so much time just lying on my couch wasting time that I just began to think, you know, “maybe I’m just too lazy to really accomplish anything big in life.”
And if that’s you, I would urge you to do this exercise. Figure out whatever the biggest time-waster is for you. What are you doing? What’s the biggest time-waster for you? And then just become curious and observe how you feel.
Don’t try to stop doing it. I mean, don’t try to avoid that activity. Go ahead. Do it. Like, if it’s lying on the couch, go ahead and lie on the couch. But really become curious about how it affects you and how you feel while you’re engaging in that activity. And afterwards, what’s the effect?
This is a technique that was introduced by Judson Brewer in a TED talk that he did. And he gave the example of a woman who wanted to stop smoking. Or she tried several different ways to stop smoking and nothing worked and he told her “Go ahead and smoke, but just become curious about how that experience is for you.” That’s all he told her to do—and [to] write it down.
So she came back and said she wrote down and realized “Wow! Cigarettes taste nasty! I don’t like the taste of them.”
So after doing that—after just becoming mindful of her experience while engaging in this habitual behavior, she was able to break that habit because she became aware of how it didn’t serve her.
So I would like to suggest to you that you’re not lazy—that you probably just have some habits that you’ve fallen into—some habit patterns—that tend to take up a lot of time and really waste time. And the very fact that you recognize—the very fact that you would call yourself lazy, to me indicates that you’re not lazy.
Because, if your highest desire was to lay on the couch, you wouldn’t be watching this video right now about how to break that habit. So I’d like to suggest to you that you’re not lazy—that you’re exactly where you need to be. And here’s something concrete that you can do to help yourself break those habits.
And I’d also like to say that habits, even though they’re gratifying—I mean, habits wouldn’t become habits if they didn’t suit some sort of a gratification—but that doesn’t mean that they necessarily align with who you really are—your highest and truest desires.
And I think once you become mindful of the feelings and emotions and the effect that engaging in these habits has on you, you’ll begin to recognize that these habits are separate from you. They are not you. You are not your habits. They are separate from you and they don’t really align with and reflect who you really are.
So in summary, begin to see yourself as separate from your habits—especially ones that may waste a lot of time and make you think that you’re lazy—and become curious about how you’re truly affected when you engage in these habits.
So even if you’ve decided to forgive people who’ve wronged you in the past, you may not know how to go about forgiving them. It’s difficult to figure out how do you really truly at a deep level, let go of the pain that you feel from what’s been done to you.
So I’m going to give you some specific steps that you can take to go through the process of forgiving and it starts with recognizing the 3 “R’s” that are usually associated with things you need to forgive.
The 3 R’s are: Rejection, Resentment and Regret.
So the first step is to identify as many of these instances of rejection, resentment and regret that you can come up with. And you’re going to write those down. I suggest you get a piece of paper and pencil, or pen, and write down in sentences that include the person who is who is responsible for this feeling and what they did.
For example: “Sally sue rejected me by not going to the eighth grade dance with me.” Or “I resent the fact that Fred broke my Tinker Toy when I was 5.” Or “I regret that I didn’t have the courage to take a trip to Spain when I had an opportunity.” Or whatever it is.
So you kind of get the idea. You want to write sentences about who was involved and what happened.
Now, you notice that in the “regret” sentence I said that I regret that I didn’t do something. So keep in mind that YOU may be the perpetrator of some of these offenses. You know, because regret is often things you regret that you did or did not do.
So what you want to do is, after you make these lists, you just decide that you are going to release every single person that you’ve been holding responsible for these offenses. And you’re going to release them. You make that decision and you declare and affirm that you release everyone on that list—including yourself—including even God.
Because some things we regret or resent have happened to us weren’t done by any particular person—they’re just circumstances over which we had no control and we feel let down.
So that’s, you know, basically the process. And after you’ve made that decision you could symbolically throw away those pieces of paper or burn them or destroy them or shred them or whatever to symbolically symbolize that you are releasing that—letting it go.
Now, if you are a spiritual person—if you believe in God—I suggest that you add this additional step in addition to deciding to forgive. Also ask God to forgive through you. Rely on Him to actually do the forgiveness so that, you know, you just release it to God and then simply thank Him for doing so.
And I found this technique to be extremely powerful in my life. Like I’ve said before, it’s felt like a physical weight lifted from my body. And I’ve done this exercise several times. Because sometimes, I mean, I’ll write down whatever I can think of, I’ll release it, let it go, I’ll feel the weight lifted, and then, you know, a few days later I’d say “Ooh I thought of some other things I can write down.” And [I’ll] experience that [again] because it can be a really really good feeling once you release things that you need to forgive.
So, just to wrap up, consider going through this exercise as many times as you feel you need to, to release things that may be holding you back that you’re not even aware of.
So what do you do when you’ve taken your passion—something that you love like art or writing or music—and you decide to turn that into a side business and maybe someday turn it into a full-time living? What happens when you wake up one day and it’s no longer fun and you’re wondering “Well what happened to the passion?” “What happened to the love?”
Well, if this is you, then there’s a good chance that you’ve fallen for what Dave Crenshaw in his book The Focused Business calls “The Con”. Now what The Con does is he convinces you when you go into business that the long-term payoff—maybe in your case it’s earning a full time living at your side gig or maybe it’s you want to make six figures one day or maybe you want to become rich or famous or whatever that big payoff is—and he convinces you that that long-term payoff is the ONLY payoff that matters.
And so once you buy into this faulty thinking and this faulty belief system, you over-sacrifice in order to gain that goal. You set everything aside because, after all, it’s the ONLY thing that matters.
And that’s why this kind of thinking—you gotta watch out for this kind of thinking. And you’ve got to remind yourself of why you started this [and] why you were passionate about this thing in the first place. You’ve got to take the time to appreciate ALL of the rewards of working in your passion.
I mean even if you just make a few extra dollars a month doing something that you love doing, isn’t that worth it?
So I would urge you to, you know, if you feel like you’ve lost the passion for something that you love, reconnect with it. Remind yourself of all of the rewards that come along with this pursuit and just just fall in love with it all over again.
And another thing is: don’t over-sacrifice. Leave time for your other pursuits because even if you love—let’s say music like I do (my passion is music)—I love of other things too. I love other people. So it doesn’t make any sense to push everything else out of my life trying to pursue some long-term goal that—to be honest—might not ever happen. There’s a chance it might not ever happen so it doesn’t make any sense to push all these other pursuits and passions and loves out of my life trying to pursue some long-term payoff and act like that’s the only thing that matters.
So remember ALL of the things that matter. Get grounded again and regain that spark that made you fall in love with that passion to begin with.